Over a late-night margarita session (two, not ten) last week, my nurse friend made an interesting prediction: “We’re all going to be old, in the hospital or nursing home or playing with our grandchildren, with these awful, stretched-out tattoos.” I imagined faded, melting ink that looks more like a Dali knockoff than crisp artwork.
“Do you have a tattoo?” she asked. “Yeah, a small one, behind my ear…you can’t really see it…it’s tiny…” I answered apologetically. “Cute!” she said and munched on a tortilla chip.
Do I want another tattoo? Some days, but it’s not like the craving I had in my 20s, when I had large pieces drawn up that would stretch from my ribs to my waist or cover the back of my neck. So sure, I want another tattoo, but then the rest of life happens and I just don’t think about it too much.
That’s not the only thing I’m over since I hit my 30s. I’m also done with…
1. Putting My Relationship On Social Media
Hanging on my wall is a framed picture of me and my boyfriend when we first started dating. It’s terribly lit and grainy. We’re sticking our tongues out at the camera. Immaturity is sweet in the privacy of your own apartment, but there was once a time when that photo – and the rest in the series – were on Facebook. As my life developed around me – great relationship, inspiring career, solid friendships – the more it dwindled online. The better things become, the more I want to protect them. Social media is now used mainly for networking, business and the occasional amusing and lighthearted post that makes me seem amusing and lighthearted.
2. Texting While Driving
People are dying because of this. Dying. That text can wait until I stop at a red light. Actually, it can wait longer, but I probably can’t (which points to a whole other problem, I admit). My Google, Shazam, and Instagram addictions can also wait until I’m not behind the wheel of a 3,000-pound weapon. Is texting while driving still a thing? It shouldn’t be.
3. Sleeping In
There’s no part of me left that revels in a good ol’ 11 a.m. wakeup call. Even if I’m sick, I feel like I’ve completely wasted the day if I’m in bed past 7:30. Most days I am in bed past 7:30, but I’m never happy about it. Plus, recovery sleep is a myth and there are studies to prove it. What am I really doing on a Tuesday night that makes me sleep until noon on Wednesday? Catching up on missed BuzzFeed articles, if I’m honest. What a lame excuse.
Truth be told, I was pretty much over hangovers after I had my first one – that doesn’t always stop us from drinking beyond the point of no return, though, does it. Surprise! In your 30s, hangovers last for two days. Even leisurely activities like eating hash browns and watching Seth Rogen movies aren’t enjoyable when you’re fighting with the bottle of wine you drank the night before.
5. Reality TV
If there’s ever a pop quiz about the Real Housewives – all of them – I could win it, hands down. Okay, not Atlanta, but the rest for sure. Anyway, now when I watch some reality brat, I literally get a little sick to my stomach. These people are horrible and I’m not just talking about the housewives. If there isn’t some sort of competition or strategy involved, I’m almost all the way over nonsense reality TV. Almost.